First year of sobriety: Stepping into the light

I’ve found that most of the time we are hesitant, nervous, or straight up scared to do something, it always ends up that we were overthinking the entire time. That was especially true for me in recovery. I had tried to stop drinking, ice, and blow multiple times on separate occasions. The problem was each time I tried to quit it was only one of the three. I would promise myself I would stop drinking but would simply replace it with ice. I would promise myself I would stop doing ice and replace it with drinking with blow. It only ever lasted a week, two at most. Then back on the hamster wheel I would go. 12/31/2018 was the first time in my life I committed to quitting everything altogether. Gratefully, I was successful.

New years was a serene day for me.

It was the first new year in 9 years that I was sober. I remember the clock turning to midnight and feeling so proud. So proud of the moment, the achievement, the reality I was living. It had been only 48 hours since I last had a needle in my arm, but man did I feel on top of the world. That first day fully sober was one of the purest moments of my life. I had crafted a few bullet points on what my plan was the night before and I was more than ready. The night before I decided that I was going to get fit and take care of my body. I decided I was going to hustle my ass off in a good restaurant, make a lot of money, save a lot of money, and start building my future. I decided that I wasn’t going to drink or do drugs anymore because that was the sole thing holding me back from turning my dreams into goals and achieving that shit.

I maintained a simple routine for the next few days. Waking up in the morning, going outside for a cigarette, and lounging at home all day.

I didn’t leave the house for 4 days except to go smoke. I wanted to stay out of the public so I could fully detox. I watched a ton of netflix during those days, and avoided the inevitable texts that would come in from people from the underworld. I knew they had to go. That the best decision was the selfish one to completely ignore them and focus on myself. I didn’t give a fuck what they thought, I didn’t owe them an explanation or goodbye. I simply disappeared. It felt good, and I grew stronger with each day. I went to visit Daniel on the 4th day, that was the first day I left the house.

Upon my return I was dead set on starting the next phase in my plan. I didn’t have everything laid out perfectly, nor did I

“feel ready”

but the excitement kept me going.

I started making contact with my “normal” friends again, asking how they were doing and telling them about my sobriety. I knew two things had to happen, and they needed to happen fast. First, I needed a job. There was no way I was going to crush it without money. Second, I needed a gym membership. I desperately wanted to start hitting the gym regularly. I had a year-long sprint where I went to the gym almost daily when I was 15 with a good friend of mine, and we got ripped. I had a great body and never forgot how the confidence felt. It was about damn time I got it back.

We all have those friends that we can pick up where we left off even if months or years pass. Kenzie was one of those friends for me. We were tight when I worked at bdubs, and I hit her up a few days after going sober. She let me know she was working at P.F Chang's next door to bdubs and the money was way better. She had my back and I’ll never forget it. She set me up with an interview and that’s how I got my first job in recovery. P.F Chang’s was a 45 minute walk from my house going north. Next on my list was the gym. I googled gyms in the area and their membership fees, and landed on the Anytime Fitness on 86th & Lyndale in Bloomington. It was a 35 minute walk from my house going south.

An important lesson from my first 30 days in recovery is that I took initiative.

Nobody told me how to find a job, where to find a gym, or how to figure out how I was going to get there. I knew it needed to get done, and I was willing to do anything to get it. There’s tons of people out there that head to detox for 28 days then upon reentry back in society expect someone to tell them what to do. How to get their life back on track. There are people out there that can help for sure, but to be truly successful you need to take initiative to do that on your own. It's not hard man, I picked up my phone and started looking for work. If it wasn’t for Kenzie I would have found a restaurant hiring and gone there in person to apply. I picked up my phone and googled a gym in the area. It’s really easy, we just waste so much time sitting on our phones doing nothing, which is why most people struggle to achieve the simplest tasks.

I didn’t have any money or transportation.

That’s what landed me on Anytime Fitness. They had a promotion going on, first month free then $49.99 a month. The monthly fee was a bit high for me at the time, but I knew if I waited a few weeks before I started making money I would no longer have the drive to go to the gym. I needed to go now. I needed to go today. I signed up immediately and started going the next morning. It was hands down the second best decision of my life, the first being choosing sobriety in the first place.

I had an interview set at P.F Chang’s about a week later. I had been sober for less than 2 weeks and had set up a gym membership, began lifting daily, and set up an interview. I had my mind made up that I would work at P.F Chang’s, and started preparing the day before my interview. I googled the best interview questions and why those are good to ask. I wrote down a few on a notebook I found in my house and labeled the top “P.F Chang’s Interview Questions”. On the day of my interview

I brought the notebook in a drawstring bag and walked the 45 minutes to Southdale Mall. It was a splendid interview, the manager Scott was super nice and loved that I pulled out my notebook and asked him the questions I had written down. I was serious about working there and he knew it. He hired me on the spot and gave me a start date a week away. I went home almost screaming out loud in joy. It was a spectacular day. I was almost 3 weeks sober and had secured a job and was going to the gym. It's genuinely mind boggling the amount of change that can happen in such a short time. 21 days ago there was a needle in my arm hopelessly depressed. Now I was about to start working again and was sore as hell not from dope but from my daily gym routine. It doesn’t get any better than that.

My first few days of work were nostalgic.

I had worked in restaurants most of my life, and was a server for several restaurants during my active addiction, but this was the first time I did it sober.

Waking up everyday without a hang over, withdrawals, paranoia, and manic behavior was a recipe for massive wins. I dropped all my meth friends without saying a word, and went all in with work. The first thing I noticed about work was that I wanted to stay, every single day. I no longer was itching to get cut so I could get to cowboy jacks and get lit. I wanted to stay and be closer if I could to make the most money.

The second thing I noticed was my attention to my tables. I intentionally would pay closer attention to them and ensure they never had empty water cups, nor were ever sitting there wondering where I was. I focused on the customers because I knew better service equaled bigger tips, and I had an empire to build. I wasn’t self aware enough to understand the depths of what I truly desired, but I understood I wanted something big. Abnormally big.

I was quickly becoming one of the most valuable servers there due to my sobriety and killer work ethic. Both of those were a result of me deciding to take care of myself, and not simply survive, but thrive. I was sick and tired of being broke, so damn it I was going to make a lot of money. I was sick and tired of the rollercoaster between too skinny and clearly chubby, so damn it I was going to get ripped. I was sick and tired of being a “less than”, so damn it I was going to become a “more than”. It was time. 

“You must do what most never will to get what they wish they had.” -unknown.

I didn’t have transportation to get to work or the gym, but I had legs. It sounds abrasive to say it that way, but it's the truth. Most people are too lazy to put one foot in front of the other to get to their destination, literally. The first week of the gym wasn’t terrible, I walked 35 minutes there and 35 minutes back. Then I began work. If I worked 11am-4pm I would need to leave at 10:05 to make sure I was early for work, then I’d arrive home around 5pm. I could eat quickly and leave for the gym, getting there by 6pm and lifting until 7. Then head home and get back around 7:45pm to eat again and get ready for bed. I repeated that process 5-6 days a week depending on how many hours I was able to get. Most people wouldn’t do that much walking. On some days I did take an uber when I started making money, but most days I would walk. I saw it as counterproductive spending an extra $20 a day when one of my biggest goals was to get ripped.

Things were looking up, and each day boosted my confidence ever so slightly.

I was starting to save money. For the first time in my life I could go to work, make $200, and wake up the next morning with that same $200. I used to spend it all at the bar on drinks and blow, waking up the next morning lucky to have $5 to my name. I was elated! It was a new addiction, a healthy one. Saving those dollars under my mattress was a high of its own. I know, classy under the mattress, but still. It was beautiful to me. I was starting to see muscle growth in my body too. 1 week, 1 month, 3 months, and 6 months were huge milestones for me. I saw definition beginning, had more energy throughout the day, and moved past the initial “pain” that happens for the first 2 weeks. I started really enjoying the feeling of being sore. It was a reminder of yesterday's win.

I didn’t do sobriety the traditional way.

Disclaimer, my way is not for everyone. It's very abnormal, and takes an incredible amount of discipline. I did not go to meetings, I didn’t have a sponsor, I wasn’t involved with AA or NA. I had been to a few meetings in my life, but it was several years ago when I was court ordered to attend recovery meetings. Never on my own accord. In my story you will see many similarities to the AA program, which I am now heavily involved in. I see how my actions were eerily similar to the 12 steps and how the steps are truly the building blocks to a healthy, profitable, rewarding life. When I quit alcohol and ice, I stopped cold turkey. I knew what I needed to get back on my feet, and writing out the steps to get there was easy. The difficult part was maintaining the execution day by day, which is why I chose the gym and serving. Both produced fast results which kept me inspired to keep going. Don’t get me wrong, the body I have today has taken years of dedication, macros, and discipline. But in the beginning simply eating healthy and working out 7 days a week produced huge results compared to the bone thin figure I had just a few months before.

I continued working at P.F Chang’s and working out, occasionally hanging out with friends. I even went to the club a few times with them and was the DD (designated driver) since I didn’t drink. It was a lot of fun, and I never thought about drinking during this time because I was sold on sobriety. I knew what I wanted and where I was headed. It was an absolute feeling, there was no second guessing. This was due to what occurred the night I decided to go sober, I had an epiphany. AA calls that a spiritual awakening. I had fun at the club talking to my friends and watching the drama unfold. Fights would break out, drinks would be thrown, something entertaining would happen. Especially with drunk people. I don’t recommend doing that as it can trigger you into drinking, but my story is my story.

I was used to the routine by now, it had been 5 months into recovery and I was enjoying every second of it. I made great strides in my plan too. I saved almost $5,000 cash under my mattress, got a new bed, TV, and entire closet.

I went shopping and spent over $1k on new clothes. It was magical,

I had never done anything like it before. I also had begun building my credit back, it was horrendous. Sitting around a 400 credit score, I knew I would not be approved for jack shit. I pulled my credit report and started paying off debts. I got a pay-for-delete on over 5 collections, and paid a few others off that refused to remove it. My credit shot up, I remember one day it went up 100 points. A super negative collection was removed. My room was coming together, my savings were piling up, and I was ready for the next step. I needed a car. Naturally I looked for something that was nice. I wanted a beautiful interior, decent sized navigation screen in the console, comfortable, and stylish. I looked at a few options at the dealership across the street from moms apartment and fell in love with this dope Chrysler. My credit had risen to around 520, still terrible but a great start from where it was. I needed a co-signer, I needed mom.

I asked my mom to co-sign on the loan for my car and she was very hesitant.

I don’t blame her, she co-signed on a loan for college that I blew on ice. I had a car repossessed in the past, and was incredibly irresponsible. This time was different though, she saw the results I was producing and had never seen anything like it before. That’s a huge lesson in my recovery journey, we can’t expect our friends and family to trust us right away. But we can shorten the time horizon by producing results. What we say holds no weight. Our actions are the only thing that matters. My mom trusted me to co-sign on that car because she saw the results. She saw the daily gym routine, the cash piling up under the bed, new furniture in my room. She saw me sober everyday. I didn’t have to say a damn thing to get her to say yes, I just had to prove myself by producing results before asking. She ended up co-signing for me, and that car was mine a few days later. It was a 2016 Chrysler 300 with 42,000 miles on it. I got it for $15k. My downpayment was $3k and I still had almost $2k cash under the mattress. Winning never gets old, and heavily outweighs the desire to get high. Nothing compares to winning.

Being hungry for success is a great trait to have.

It took me a while to understand that those who call it greed are simply insecure about their inability to produce the same results. The beast was hungry, and needed to be fed. I was working full time at P.F Chang’s but it wasn’t cutting it. I was clearing $500-$800 a week in tips. I was hoping to be closer to $1200-$1500 a week. I needed a second job. I began my search for a second job by driving around the Edina neighborhood between Southdale and my house, seeing what restaurants were there and making a list of which would be good places to work.

I landed on Tav23. I found an ad that they were hiring too, it was perfect. Tav23 was on the way home from Southdale, right on centennial lakes. I figured lots of people working in the offices around centennial would come along with Edina residents. I was correct.

I applied and quickly got hired, working the morning shift there. My routine had shifted to 7am-12pm at Tav23, followed by a gym session 1pm-2:30pm, then a shower, food, and P.F Chang’s in the evening. Growth happens when we make it happen. We can’t sit around and hope for the best. Hope is not a plan. 

I continued that routine for a few weeks but something didn’t feel right.

I wasn’t getting the $1200+ weekly I had hoped for and I refused to make less. I needed something better, and wasn’t going to wait around for it. I knew Edina was a nice city with a higher median wage, and knew downtown Edina would be the best place to work. I went to 50th and France on a Monday morning and started going restaurant to restaurant asking if they were hiring. I was so excited when I walked into Barrio. I’d never heard of it before, but the second I saw the inside I knew it would be amazing. It was a taco & tequila bar, and the tequila was top shelf. I saw the most expensive, exquisite, exotic tequilas I had ever seen in my life.

Some I had never even heard of. The manager’s name was Ashley, she was a super sweet woman. We talked for 10 minutes and she said they were actually looking for servers and interviewed me on the spot. Honestly, we have so much luck when our mind is in the right place and our intention is pure. When we know exactly what we want and go above and beyond taking action towards it, things tend to fall into place. 

There is a big difference between greed and hard work,

sometimes we take it too far. Especially people like me who are executioners. We have a tendency to over execute sometimes and that gets us in trouble. I had become one of the most reliable trusted servers at P.F Chang’s and The manager would give me his card to use during my shift if I needed to comp anything. To comp something in the restaurant industry is when a table doesn’t like their food, or you accidentally ring something in by mistake so you delete it. In order to delete it you need a manager's card to swipe in “approval” to comp.

I took it a little too far, and if a table didn’t tip me the full 20% I would comp something to compensate for the customers lack in generosity. Well as you can guess, I got fired. I was already looking for a restaurant with a higher average ticket so I could make more money, so it was perfect timing. Let me tell you, I definitely learned my lesson and have never done that since. I was on a path of sobriety, and proud of my results. I wasn’t about to mess that up.

Barrio was amazing. The best restaurant I had ever worked at, one of the best I had ever eaten at. I really enjoyed the atmosphere, clients, and co-workers. The tips were much higher because people came in and typically spent $50 a person compared to the $20 at Chang’s. As the weeks progressed I started to see the possibilities within the restaurant. Not in regards to the service industry, but the clients. I had never met such a high caliber clientele before, it was remarkable. There were doctors, lawyers, entrepreneurs, business owners, and more. People that came dripping in designer clothes with the biggest diamonds I had ever seen. They weren't faking it either. There were American Express gold, platinum, and even one black card. The entire reason I went sober was to get in the best shape of my life and to achieve true wealth. To put it bluntly, I wanted to get rich. I was sick and tired of being broke in addiction and decided I was going to get rich in recovery. This was the place, and I needed to hone in on it.

I quit Tav23 and went all in at Barrio.

In my notebook I wrote one sentence over and over and read it every night before my shift started. “I will meet someone here that will change my life”. I was intent on it. I served my tables with a new intention. I waited on my customers with a new purpose. I was looking for the person that would teach me to become what they were. The easiest way to level up is to find someone already on the level you wish to be at, and ask them for guidance. Have them coach you. They will teach you everything they know, and have the wisdom to steer you away from the mistakes they made in their journey. I knew I would find that person at Barrio. I would intentionally ask my customers what they did for work and make genuine conversation.

When you ask a wealthy person for advice the genuine souls will automatically take on a “teacher” role. People love to teach others, and I found this to be especially true at Barrio. Most of the entrepreneurs would talk to me about how they became successful and what they recommended I did to achieve similar results. They loved that I was ambitious. I disregarded the ones that said go to college, I was not about to do that shit. I already did and lasted 3 weeks before dropping out because of ice.

Then one day, this man motioned me over to the bar where he was sitting and asked my name. This particular man was a recent regular, coming in every few days ordering top shelf tequila and drinking $400+ while working on his laptop. When you do that on weekdays, I know you’re successful. He started asking the wildest questions. What my goals were, where I envisioned my life to be, what I aimed to accomplish in life. He was serious and meant business. He was with a woman, his girlfriend I presumed. She was dripping in designer clothes with a Burberry bag. I could see the money written all over her. We spoke for 15 minutes, which is a long time when you’re waiting tables. I would run away and fill water cups, take an order, and come back to talk to them. They both were increasingly interested in me, and at the end of our conversation asked what I had been manifesting for months on end. He said “you should work with her, she’s a realtor”. You don’t have to ask me twice, I know money when I see it. My hard work paid off, and I got what I was after.

It had now been 10 months since I went sober.

I know a lot has happened in 10 months. The biggest lesson I learned was to create a plan and take MASSIVE action. Yes a lot of incredible things happened, but everything was a result of my action. It was a result of me not taking no for an answer and continuously seeking more. It was a result of me not settling for less. It was a result of me genuinely believing in myself. It was a result of my burning desire to succeed. It was a result of me looking at rich people on instagram and honestly saying to myself “if they can do it so can I”. It was the result of initiative. What we put in is what we get out. It's a simple formula.

The man I met was the owner of a roofing company. The woman I met was not actually his girlfriend, it was much more complicated than that. But she was a real estate broker also owning a tax business. They both made well over $300,000 a year. I had found the two that would help me level up. At the end of the day, Ru Paul says it best. “If you can't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love someone else?!” You have to focus on you, and only you, for a long period of time to grow to a level where you can take care of others. In order to truly be selfless you need to first be selfish. It was all about me baby, and I was about to take off.

That first year of sobriety ended with a smile on my face.

It was now 2020, and life was grand. I was building a relationship with the two I met at Barrio, and learning more about myself in the process. I was becoming more inspired by millionaires on instagram, heavily researching their paths to success. I became convinced that I too would join that group, and having the full support of the two I just met, I was well on my way there. I made a tab over $55,000 serving that first year of sobriety and completely renovated my life. Always remember that relationships are the key to fast growth. I knew that when I wrote that in my notebook, and I knew that when I met these two beautiful souls. What I didn’t know is the gravity of that statement.

These two would end up teaching me how to make over 2 million dollars in the next 4 years.